


The Titan That Scaled The Killer's Icy Heart

by Atma



Category: Dangan Ronpa, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Androgyny, Crack, Crossover, F/F, I should apologize, Mistaken Gender, Scissoring Jokes, Swearing, scissors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-31
Updated: 2013-10-31
Packaged: 2017-12-31 01:32:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1025725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atma/pseuds/Atma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ymir gets lost navigating the post-Most Despair Inducing Incident cityscape of Tokyo and runs into Genocider Syo. A lot of squabbling and mistaken gender shenanigans ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Titan That Scaled The Killer's Icy Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kattu](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Kattu).



> This is why you don't inspire me to write fic based on jokes I make on twitter at 3 am
> 
> I apologize to the world

Wreckage and debris lined the roads, obstructing them in every possible and annoying way, with large nigh-unclimable piles of what was once thought to be some skyscraper's I-beams now all crunched and warped beyond usable shape. Some things were more on fire than others. Most of the foundations and roads had cracked and crumbled, and there were piles of various kinds of leakages everywhere. No matter what direction Ymir looked in, it was obvious some seriously despairing bullshit had recently gone down here.

Thankfully, she had woken up with what appeared to be some kind of bizarre ID card on her, listing her name, vitals, and “talent.” Someone had decided to deem her a “Super High School Level Lockpicker” which she genuinely got a kick out of. Whomever wrote that down knew her well enough; she used to steal so much shit to survive and feed herself it was ridiculous. Not even these bizarre steel safes and other safety devices she found of superior technology confused her for long. She'd pocket what she'd find, be it money or weapons or gems or booze (rich fuckers loved to lock up their booze and this world was no different), and kept on her way.

Ymir figured that eventually she'd have to run into a local to ask just where in the hell she was and why this place was such a hellhole. And she was right. Soon enough, amidst a pile of what appeared to be shredded pieces of black and white teddy bears, was a young lady in a dress with messy hair, wielding a set of scissors in each hand, her tongue slithering out of her mouth wide as she cackled. Of course the first person Ymir ran into was a wreck, was she honestly expecting better? Still, it was better than being alone in apocalyptic suburbia, so she tried to establish communication.

“Oi, you there. Girlie. Yeah. Uh, you live around here or anything? I got here the other day, must've taken a wrong turn or some shit. Can you tell me where I am and just what in the fuck happened here? This place is kind of a mess, no offense.” Ymir asked, rubbing the back of her head, trying her best to not sound too awkward.

“GWAHAHAHAHA! Oh, what's this? The fuck are you? Some kind of military refugee? I don't remember seeing your freckled face anywhere near the Academy. That's an ugly ass uniform you got, man. I oughta cut it off ya and hang you by it! Who wants to know anyways?” said the girl, sounding a bit too happy to be spewing such insults so readily at a stranger.

“Wow, shove it up your asshole, why don't you? I'm fucking lost, you idiot. Why else would I be asking this?” snarled Ymir, her body tensing in case she needed to go show this girl what was what.

“Oh, we got a feisty one! Just the way I like it! Oh, I suppose since you're kind of my type, I can tell ya, but then I have to kill ya!” the girl began to cackle, getting spit everywhere as she grinned and showed two rows of sharp, nasty teeth. “Yer outside what used to be a central part of Tokyo, only the World Destroyers long since got to it and turned it into the ugly mess you see now. Didn't they teach you about The World's Most Despair Inducing Incident in the military or are you all meat, no brains?”

“Whatever. That at least clears part of that up. Whatever a Tokyo is or a Destroyer is. Look, do you know if there's any fucking decent place to get some sleep or food around here? I can't be wandering all fucking day.” Ymir groaned. Of course this chick was a complete fucking weirdo. Kind of like Hanji if Hanji had no sense of empathy. “I'm Ymir, and I'm a, well, this stupid ID card calls me a Super High School Level Lockpick. Whatever that means. Though it's entirely true. So just let me through and you don't have to kill me and there will be one less bit of despair, okay?”

The girl below grinned and entered a crossed-arm stance, readying her scissors again before jumping up and landing next to Ymir, salivating on her shoes. “Nope, I get to fucking kill you, cutie! Ymir's such a handsome, strong man's name too! The price you pay for making me wet like in one of my novels is I'm gonna crucify the shit out of you. Got any last requests before I do your pretty, rugged little face in, boyo?”

Ymir stared a good few seconds before letting out a small snort and grinning. “You...You think I'm a boy?”

“Lesee, you smell bad, act like you're in command, dress like the military's wet dream, have a butch haircut, your tits look nonexistent, and are those abs I see pressed against your shirt? Don't try to fuck with me and get out of this one! For I am the GENOCIDER SYO and I am the last woman you will ever see!” said the newly-revealed Syo, pointing the tip her scissors at Ymir's neck and baring her teeth.

“Look, I hate to make a bad sex joke at this time, but you're about to scissor a woman. Look.” Ymir sighed, pulling the bottom of her shirt from out of her pants and rolling it up, hooking the edge of her bra as she pulled up, baring her tanned tits to the maniac before her and growling. “You see these? They're mine. They're real. And THEY AIN'T FUCKING SMALL YOU LITTLE SHIT! Now why don't you go along and play murder girlfriend elsewhere if you ain't gonna help me find dinner? Or do I have to fucking show you my hairy slit too?”

Syo stood there, frozen, a look of disgust and defeat spreading across her face. Her arms flopped to her side, biting on her sleeve as she howled in anger. “THE FUCK? YOU REALLY ARE A WOMAN? HOW DARE YOU TRICK ME AND MAKE ME HOT YOU FUCKING STUPID SUCCUBUS DYKE? MAYBE I OUGHT TO TAKE YOU UP ON YOUR OFFER OF SCISSORING YOU AND SEE HOW MUCH YOU LIKE A BLADE CRAMMED UP YOUR FESTERING CUNT?”

Ymir put her shirt back down and grinned, putting on the most disarming, charming bastard smile she could, finger under her chin, letting her hair down to flap in the wind gallantly as she changed her tone to a more playful one. “Oh? Didn't you want to cut my face up and cum to it a bit ago, you big weirdo? You're going to marr this handsome motherfucker because she has tits and not a dick for you to suck? Eh, too bad I don't got one, your tongue would feel nice on that I bet.”

“FUCK YOU, YMIR, AND THE FETID FRECKLED ASSHOLE YOU RODE IN ON! GET OUT OF MY TERRITORY!” Syo began to swing her scissors around like a madwoman, diving for Ymir and aiming for her vitals, hoping for a swift kill, her rage blinding her as Ymir dodged and ducked, simply waiting for this crazy scissoring asshole to stop or exhaust herself. If all else failed, she could just let her jab her hand so she could transform and get the hell out, but she'd rather avoid that and conserve energy for now if she could.

“Yo, you're kind of fun to tease, don't take it so seriously, sheesh.” Ymir swooped in and picked up Syo by the collar, giving her a small, cute kiss on the nose and setting her back down. “Look, I'd love to stay and kill ourselves or whatever, but I got a....anything else whatsoever to do. As far away from here as possible. I hope you understand, Miss Genocider.”

All at once, the fighting stopped. Syo collapsed to her knees in a fit of confusion and Ymir turned her back, trying her best to run the way she came. She'll take her chances with the flaming debris over this woman any day. Before she could get far, though, she felt something suddenly tackle her and latch onto her leg. She looked down and saw Syo's messy, reddened face.

“Oh, Ymir, I'm so sorry! I won't kill you, just, stay and let me stare at your handsome face some more. I don't care if you're a woman, I can write a yuri story too, I'll bet! You can be my fucking muse! J-Just don't tell Togami if you see him!” Syo begged, her hair even worse looking than it was a moment ago.

“Who the fuck's Togami and what the hell is a yuri? Though if you promise not to kill me you can stay, I guess. I don't think I'm gonna have any luck ditching your weirdo ass anytime soon if you're already this adamant about it.” Ymir groaned, sitting down and setting up camp right there, finding some trash to burn in a drum for a campfire. Or rather, she was able to get Syo to do it easily. She could tell some part of the Genocider was getting off to this but hey, free labor is free labor. Even if it came in the form of a gender elitist sadomasochist.

“Oh, thank you for taking mercy on this crazy old killer, Ymir-Sama! You won't regret it!” Syo laughed, blushing a bit as she let Ymir's name roll off her tongue again.

Soon, night fell, and the two huddled close for warmth. Or rather, Ymir tried to lay down and go the fuck to sleep and Syo latched onto her back, trying to hump her leg like a rabbit or dog or other small fuzzy creature. It was annoying, to say the least, and eventually Ymir snarled and told her that if she wanted to fuck so badly she would give it to her to shut her up but only if she thought she could handle it, teasing her that if a serial killer could handle killing and combat like that, surely her body could handle more below Ymir's own hips.

The sun rose and beamed its golden rays over the two, passing over into their eyes and forcing them up. The events of the night before flooded slowly back onto their brains as Ymir sat up and yawned, forgetting she was naked for a second, her uniform and cape barely covering them to keep warm against the gross cracked pavement. 

“Damn, I...can't believe I tamed her like that.” Ymir smiled to herself, yawning and stretching, looking over at Syo and gently waking her. “Oi, you, we got food to hunt for. Get up, I guess I could use your stupid scissors to helps us slice some kind of meat up with. I'm starving so let's go.”

Syo, however, was hiding her face in her hands, face bright red as she mumbled “Togami-Sama, please forgive me! I didn't mean to write a yuri!” over and over to herself.

Ymir just figured what the hell ever, why did she expect different, got up, and dressed herself. She came back a while later with some lunch boxes she stole from a recently abandoned convenience store, tossing one to Syo and sighing.

Breakfast was quiet, the two only speaking up to agree to never mention this or the night before it to anyone else ever. It would be their stupid, twisted little secret. The world was not ready to know that the Genocider could easily be swayed by a pretty, androgynous face that even the pretty boys she murdered would envy. And really, Ymir just didn't think it was that good of a lay. Next time, find someone who's better at scissoring than just using it as sewing and murder technique.

Truly, it was the worst, most despair inducing sex of their young lives. The Mighty Junko would have been proud were she still alive, her legacy living on even in cheap lays.


End file.
